Return to the
humor page.
Return to
Alex's home page.
The Humor Pages:
A Bunch of Longer Jokes, The Sequel
A man takes the day off of work and decides to go out golfing. He is on the second hole when he
notices a frog sitting next to the green. He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he
hears, "Ribbit. 9 Iron" The man looks around and doesn't see anyone so he tries again.
"Ribbit. 9 Iron." He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong, puts his other
club away, and grabs a 9 iron. Boom! he hits a birdie. He is shocked. He says to the frog,
"Wow thats amazing. You must be a lucky frog eh?" The frog replys "Ribbit, Lucky frog. Lucky
frog." The man decided to take the frog with him to the next hole. "What do you think frog?",
the man asks. "Ribbit 3 wood." was the reply. The guy takes out a 3 wood and Boom! Hole in one.
The man is befuddled and doesn't know what to say. By the end of the day, the man golfed the
best game of golf in his life and asks the frog, "Ok where to next?" The frog reply, "Ribbit Las
Vegas". They go to Las Vegas and the guy says, "Ok frog, now what?" The frog says , "Ribbit
Roulette". Upon approaching the roulette table the man asks," what do you think I should bet?"
The frog reply, "Ribbit $3000 black 6." Now, this is a million to one shot that this would win
but after the golf game, the man figure what the heck. Boom! Tons of cash comes sliding back
across the table. The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the hotel. He sits the
frog down and says, "Frog, I don't know how to repay you. You won me all this money and I am
forever grateful." The frog replies, "Ribbit Kiss Me". He figures why not since after all the
frog did for him he deserves it. All of a sudden the frog turns into the most gorgoues 16 year
old girl in the world. "And that, your honor, is how the girl ended up in my room".
Three Generals and one Admiral were sitting around the big round table in the Chief of StaFF
office. Somehow, they got to talking about the subject of bravery. The Air Force General
finally says, "Gentlemen, if you want to see bravery, come with me. They all go up in a C-130
and the Air Force General approaches an airman sitting in the plane. "Airman, I want you to
jump out of this aircraft without a parachute." "Yes, sir." The airman gives a salute and
jumps out. The high ranking officials watch as the young airman splatters on the ground almost
14000ft later. "Gentlemen, now THAT's bravery." The Army General begins to shake his head and
says, "If you really want to see bravery, come with me." He approaches a private and says,
"Private, I want you to pull the pin on that grenade and then jump on it so no one else gets
hurt." "Yes, Sir." was the reply and the private pulls the pin and then jumps on the grenade,
thereby saving everyone else's life. The General turns to the other Cheif of StaFF member and
says, "Gentlemen, I submit...THAT is bravery." The Marine General, not one to be outdone begins
to laugh uncontollably. " You call THOSE bravery?" "Follow me and I'll show you what bravery
REALLY is." They all walk out on the War Games Battle field. The Marine General hands the private
in the front lines a .45cal pistol and declares, "Private, attack that tank with this pistol."
"Yes sir, anything you ask, sir." The young private takes five or six steps, firing as many
rounds as possible and WHOMP, a tank flattens him. The Marine General turns to his counterparts
and admits: "You gotta love that gents, that is truly bravery." The Admiral finally had seen
enough. "Gentlemen, you have attempted to accuately depict bravery, however, I must admit,
you are truly a disgrace to your service. Everyone knows Navy personnel are the BRAVEST of all.
If you really want to see bravery then follow me." They all board a Navy ship and approach the
base of the crows nest. The Admiral looks up to the top and spies a seaman diligently performing
his duties. The Admiral cups his hands over his mouth and shouts up to the seaman. "Seaman,
belay your duties and jump out of the crow's nest." The Seaman looks down at the Admiral and
shouts, "SCREW YOU ADMIRAL." The Admiral turns to the others and states proudly, "Gentlemen,
NOW THAT'S BRAVERY!"
A Scotsman, a Canadian and an American were crossing a street, and they were all run over by a
car, and their three spirits drifted up to heaven and the Pearly Gates. St. Peter was standing
there and he told them, "Look, uh, guys, you weren't supposed to die there." The three men were
understandably angry and began to yell at St. Peter, so he said, "Well, here's the deal. You
guys each give me five hundred bucks, and I'll send you back down." Shortly after, in the back
of the funeral hearse, the American sat up. The mortician was shocked and asked him what had
happened. The American told him what happened finishing with, "...back to earth. So, I said
'Fine!' and I woke up here." The mortician was skeptical and said, "Okay then, what happened
to the Canadian and the Scot?" "Well," said the American, "when I left the Scot had him down
to two-fifty and the Canadian was arguing that the government should pay for it."
Moses and Jesus were taking a day off from heaven and stopped at an earthly golf course. They
came to a long par three, which had a large lake between the tee and the green, which was about
two hundred yards away. Moses took a five wood out of his bag, wound up, and dropped a
beautiful shot into the center of the green. Moses backed off, and as Jesus came to tee off,
Moses noticed Jesus was holding a six iron. Moses looked at Jesus and said, "Come on, Jesus.
There's no way you can make it with a six!" To which Jesus replied, "Well, Arnold Palmer could
make it, so surely I, the son of God, can make it." Moses shrugged, and Jesus wound up, swung
and dropped the ball into the middle of the lake. Moses chuckled then noticed Jesus getting
ready to try again. "Jesus," he said, "I'm telling you, there's no way you can get it there
with a six." Jesus calmly told him, "Moses, if Arnold Palmer can make it, I can make it."
And Jesus swung again, and dropped another ball into to the pond. Jesus checked his pockets
for another golf ball, and realized he had only brought two. So he told Moses to wait a second,
and he went down on to the pond, and walked on top of the water and searched the pond for his
balls. About this time the foursome behind caught up, and were very surprised to see a man out
in the middle of the pond walking around. "Who does he think he is," cried one of the men,
"Jesus Christ?" "No," said Moses, "Arnold Palmer."
Chan the Chinese guy wanted to work in the coal mine but he couldn't speak English well. The
boss of the mine put Chan in charge of getting supplies for the workers. On his first day in
the mine, Chan couldn't be found anywhere. The miners needed shovels, picks and water, but
Chan couldn't be found. After several minutes of the workers yelling for Chan he jumps up
from behind one of the coal cars and yells "Supplies"!