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More Longer Jokes
An old couple were watching television one evening. The wife said "I am going to get a
dish of ice cream". The husband said "I will get you some ice cream". "I'll write it
down so you don't forget" she said. "I won't forget" he said. "But I want chocolate
syrup and nuts on it so I'll write it down" she said. "I will get you the ice cream don't
you worry" he said. A few minutes later he returned with bacon and eggs and she said "I
should have written it down because you forgot the toast".
There was a naked man lying on the beach, a girl walked up and said what is that? He said
that's my bird. She said can I play with it. He said "Only if your mom says it ok." The
girl goes home and asks her mom. Her mom says yes ( thinking it was a real bird.) So when
she got back to the beach the man was sleeping. So she thought since her mom said it was
ok she could play with it. The next morning the man wakes up in the hospital and the girl
was standing next to him. He asked what happened? The girl said, I was playing with your
bird and he spit on me so I cut off his head, cracked his eggs, and burnt his nest!
An old couple was going through extreme financial difficulties and were dead broke. The
husband turns to the wife and says, "Well dear, I'm sorry but I think you're going to have
to go out and become a hooker. Being a dutiful wife, the poor old woman obeyed her husband
and left the house to work the streets. She came back home two days later with seventeen
dollars and ten cents. Her husband exclaimed, "Seventeen dollars and ten cents?, who gave
you ten cents? "EVERYBODY gave me ten cents."
A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour
of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you
mind if I chatted with you for a while?" To which she responds by yelling, at the top of her
lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!" Everyone in the bar is now staring at them.
Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.
After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says,
"I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm
studying how people respond to embarrassing situations." To which he responds, at the top
of his lungs, "What do you mean $200?"
