Graham: I didn't expect a kind of spanish inquisition!

Cardinal Palin: (blare!) Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!

Our chief weapon is surprise!
Surprise and fear. Fear and surprise.
Our two main weapons are fear and surprise and ruthless efficiency.
Our three weapons are fear and surprise and ruthless efficiency and
an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope.
Our four, no... Now, amongst our weapons... hmmm...
Amongst our weaponry are such elements as fear... I'll come in again.

Graham: I didn't expect a kind of spanish inquisition!

Cardinal Palin: (blare!) Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!

Amongst our weaponry are such diverse elements as
fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, an almost fanatical devotion
to the Pope and nice red uniforms. Oh! Damn!
I can't say it! You'll have to say it.

Cardinal Jones: What?

Cardinal Palin: You'll have to say the bit about our chief weapons are...

Cardinal Jones: I couldn't do that!

Graham: I didn't expect a kind of spanish inquisition!

Cardinal Jones: (blare!)Uh, um, uh, nobody, um...

Cardinal Palin: expects...

Cardinal Jones: expects. Nobody expects the, um...

Spanish, um...

Cardinal Palin: Inquisition...

Cardinal Jones: I know! I know!

Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!
In fact those who do are...

Cardinal Palin: Our chief weapons are....

Cardinal Jones: Our chief weapons are... Ah, um...

Cardinal Palin: surprise..

Cardinal Jones: surprise...

Cardinal Palin: Stop, stop there, stop there, stop.

Our chief weapon is surprise, blah blah blah blah!

Cardinal Palin: Cardinal, read the charges!

Cardinal Gilliam: You are hearby charged that you did,

and I vest dies[sic] did, commit heresy against the holy church.

Cardinal Palin: That's enough!

Now! How do you plead?
 

All Cardinals: Ha, Ha-ha-ha-ha!
 

(Diabolical Laughter)

Cardinal Palin: We'll soon change you mind about that!
 

(Diabolical Acting)

Cardinal Palin: Fear and surprise and most ruthless...Oh! Ahem...

Now, Cardinal, the rack!  ...You! Right!
Tie her down! ...Right!
...How do you plead?

Carol: Innocent!

Cardinal Palin: Hah! Right!

Cardinal, give the rack, oh dear...
Give the rack a turn!

Cardinal Jones: er, um...

Cardinal Palin: I know! I know you can't!

I didn't want to say anything. I just want you to try
and ignore your crass mistake.

Cardinal Jones: I, er, I...

Cardinal Palin: Makes it all seems so stupid.

Cardinal Jones: Shall I? er...

Cardinal Palin: Oh, god! Just pretend for God's sake!
 

(ding dong)

(by Monty Python, used without permission.)